Drowning in Fabric

Forever cleaning, organizing and creating

Reflections on a week gone by

So, I made it. This morning I awoke giddy that my diet had come to an end. First, the reveal: I lost about 5.5 pounds. I saw a tens digit on the scale that I haven’t seen in years… since I flew by it in the great weight gain after I got married. I am centimeters from buttoning jeans two sizes lower than the ones I have been wearing, which are literally falling off me. I don’t own the size in between… seems I always skip over it as my weight goes up and down. However, I am not convinced it was worth it for what I went through this past week. I feel I deserve to have lost 15 or 20 pounds!

I was good. If anything, I consumed less than I was supposed to – which is my husband’s theory why I didn’t lose more, though he does point out I have lost more in a week than he has in a month. I only had two cheats. One was the small tortilla I mentioned in another post. The other shouldn’t even count – We had to get out of the house one morning and I didn’t have the time or means to make and take a smoothie with me. I knew I needed something to get me through. I grabbed an apple and ate that on the way – something I would never choose normally. I had at best a smoothie and a half each day, but more like one a day. They just weren’t that appetizing and took forever to drink. Even the ones I liked got old quick.

I learned I would rather not eat than eat things I don’t like. I hate raw veggies. While I was never starving hungry, there was a definite underlying hunger throughout. Something that would normally send me grazing through the kitchen looking for snacks. I was shockingly easily able to resist those urges – especially when the option that faced me was raw veggies. I learned I hate tahini. That stuff stinks. I will be passing it on, though my husband seemed to like it.

I confirmed I hate cooking. I only had one bad cooking day. Most things left me plenty of leftovers to last a couple of days, and I got my husband to make a couple things for me. I hate the mess. I hate it takes so long. I hate the dishes. Etc,etc,etc.

If I were to do it again, I would cut out the caffeine first. It was especially hard going through withdrawal and diet at the same time. I would have tested some of the smoothies and things before hand, so I knew what I was getting into and the quantities it makes. I would not have bought everything on the ingredient list all at once, rather picked a few recipes and bought for those, since they lasted me a few days each, and we have a lot left. The smoothie ingredients (that I liked) went fast, though.

I had hoped to keep going. I actually liked most of the soups, though now I can’t think of having them, I am sure I will again in the future. I hoped to keep up the smoothies. I am having an aversion to the blender right now. The smoothies just weren’t what smoothies should be. Does that make sense?

A few days ago, I was out of my mind, filling my menu for today with Thin Mints, Cadburries, Ice Cream and Cheese. It didn’t quite go that way… I didn’t even eat today until about 2:30. Then, nothing really tasted the same. I know that sounds weird. But everything tastes off. Nothing is as yummy as it used to be. And of course, I filled up quickly. It was disappointing. Of course, I didn’t go though all this to just gain it all back, but I thought I deserved some rewards. And there is this weird film on my teeth (from last week). No matter how much I brush it doesn’t go away. What is up with that?

I thought long about having my diet coke. I went through hell to get off it. It is the longest I can ever remember going without it. I had one at dinner, and still haven’t finished it. It tastes funny. Maybe that is what this diet is really about. Making everything you used to love be unappetizing. I also had chicken for dinner. There goes the veggie promise. Well, at least for now. I still hope I will switch over, but I had low willpower and was craving hard the real, tough food. And I didn’t have to make it. That’s what will get me in the most trouble. I don’t want to cook, and it really isn’t economical of time, money or mess for us to be making different meals every night. If it is any consolation, it tasted funny. So, basically, as much as I have been dreaming about eating certain things all week, nothing has tasted good. How disappointing. Tomorrow I plan to get back on track – eating a little more sensibly, but eating. Food. And I hope to keep it to one diet coke a day.

In the end, I am proud of myself. There was a time when I seriously didn’t think I would make it past the first day. It wasn’t hard, I wasn’t starving, just awful. But I did it. I said I would and I stuck through it – through vomiting and gastric discomfort and cravings and all. I just don’t think I see any juice fasts in my near future, unfortunately. Glad I didn’t spend the money on a juicer.

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Green Smoothie Challenge

So, I have been desperately wanting to do a juice fast for a couple of months, but we don’t own a juicer. After going a little overboard at the holidays and buying plane tickets for our vacation this summer, we are kind of trying to take it easy on the big purchases for the next couple of months. So, other than scouring craigslist for juicers, I am kind of stuck.  Then my sister put me on to a green smoothie challenge from a blogger she follows. It is a similar idea, but not as strict, and with a blender rather than a juicer.

I could go on and on for pages about my relationship with food, my weight history, my philosophies and circumstances. I will try to sum up. As I have been increasingly concerned with how I and my environment impact each other, my family has been equally concerned with how food and their health impact each other. While I am the heaviest member of my family, I am ironically the healthiest. I am sure that won’t last forever… And I did lose my gallbladder at 22. However, other than that and chronic migraines and sleep problems, I am relatively healthy. Even my pregnancy, which I was terrified about due to family history, went perfectly until the last hours. My 90 pound vegan yoga instructor sister has a heart condition, was on lipitor for years, and has a host of other issues. My mother, who, like me, has lost and gained thousands of pounds, has diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and on and on including bottles and bottles of pills. My sister and BIL went quietly vegan a couple of years ago. Once it was more well known in the family, my mom, the most vocally opposed, suddenly shocked us all my deciding to do the same. All have experienced improved health benefits. In addition, my mother has lost 40 pounds without even trying. And with no exercise whatsoever. Many medications have been reduced or removed entirely.

I don’t really aspire to be vegan. I have no problem eating vegan, and have quite a bit, but I cannot see myself being exclusively vegan. I can, however, certainly change my eating habits to be more healthy. While maybe for the first time in my life my main goal is not weightloss, I can certainly stand to lose quite a bit of weight. I hope between detoxing my environment as well as my body something will help with the headaches I am plagued with. I hope to have more energy to for my increasingly more active child. I hope to feel better. And, in the back of my head, while I logically know what happened with my labor was in no way my own fault (not a story I can handle sharing, sorry. Just typing this sentence is making me cry), I can’t help thinking if I had been healthier or thinner maybe it would have gone differently. I have been poultry only for almost 19 years. I have aspired to be vegetarian. I think my goal was to eventually phase into vegetarian. I guess that didn’t happen. After being with my family and opening my eyes a bit (and essentially being vegan for months at a time as I have stayed with my mother and seeing it can be done) I was hoping to break my juice fast with vegetarianism. So, now I hope to go from the smoothie diet to a juice fast to vegetarian. LOL We will see how that plays out.

So, anyway, we headed out to the international farmer’s market this afternoon. My husband, who has been doing very well on his own low cal diet, has been somewhat… unsupportive, let’s say, about all of my things. But we went, and he was excited by all the unusual options as well as the good prices they had there. He ran about fetching the items on my list as I entertained the baby (who was SUCH a good boy there). See, my other challenge is that I don’t cook. My knowledge of cooking is limited to boiling water and using my microwave. I have always been a believer that it shouldn’t take longer to make than it does to consume. So, I am somewhat dependent on others to feed me. This is part of why my husband is… entertained, let’s say, by my plans to alter my diet. I am kind of on my own. I have a lot of learning I guess. So, I pulled out the cool smoothie blender my sister gave me for my wedding (how’s that for foreshadowing?) and am about to plan out my menu for tomorrow.

And, because I feel I owe you a picture (I couldn’t take any at the farmer’s market – the baby had my phone) here is what will be the absolute hardest part of this whole thing. Going cold turkey. OMG. I want to cry already.

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